OMFG.

Here’s [...]]]> I just read in USA Today that Levi Johnston, whose only claim to anything in life is knocking up Sarah Palin’s daughter, has been ordered to pay $1,750 a month in child support to Bristol Palin. This is 20% of his adjusted annual income, which, a little math tells me, must be somewhere around $105,000.

OMFG.

Here’s a partial list of local school employees and their salaries:
Carl S Teacher 28,363.10
Kristen C Secretary 28,326.50
Jennifer M Teacher 27,191.97
Karly C Custodian 26,122.94
Dan H Maintenance 26,115.92
Elizabeth H Custodian 24,188.83
Roger D Custodian 23,938.24
Diane C Custodian 23,817.20
Catherine N Teacher 23,245.80
Jessica N Teacher 22,913.80
Roland S Custodian 22,598.00
Celia C Reading Specialist/Title I Coord. 22,170.40
Becky P Teacher 21,752.02
Susanne J Secretary 21,706.05
Lynne H ½ Time Teacher 21,241.54
Jennifer B Secretary 20,881.43
Del B Paraprofessional 20,580.76
Karen D Paraprofessional 20,245.33
Janice G Paraprofessional 19,987.38
Pilar P After School Program Assist. 19,635.00
Chris T Teacher 19,375.40
Erin H Teacher 19,285.87
Judy W Paraprofessional 18,999.57
Kristin J Behavior Specialist 18,984.01
Carol V Paraprofessional 18,969.97
Jackie P Speech Assistant 18,705.98
Anne H Teacher 18,652.28
I’m not making it up, here’s the whole list.

Scariest part, is I didn’t show you the top of the list:
Levi Johnston ?????? 105,000

Michael Morgan Superintendent of Schools 97,500.00
Tamara MacAllister Dir. of Student Services 79,917.88
Michael Tursi Principal 71,609.96
Christopher Morrill Teacher 63,866.84
Cheryl Peabody Assistant Principal 62,738.72
Linda Aguiar Psychologist 62,725.79
Marcy Dovholuk Reading Specialist/Ins. Facilitator 61,110.76
Karen Atherton Teacher 60,969.22
Jean Mortimer Speech/Language Pathologist 60,497.43
Catherine Jarnot Assistant Principal 60,093.36
Diane Messer Teacher 59,006.14
Walter Hart Guidance 58,642.30

I’d write a book about it, but sometimes I think this world is just too crazy to believe.

On the bright side, this teacher seems fed up with school lunch and is doing something about it. I saw it, like the rest of the world just did, on Yahoo News. The post by the American teacher in Japan seems to be rubbing it in a little over the top, but it’s good stuff.

beer thirty

Time of day (usually late afternoon to early evening) at which drinking a beer becomes necessary. Hey, looks like its beer thirty, better grab me a cold one

2. a hypothetical time of day uttered in response to the question of “what time is it.” when consumption of said malted beverage becomes an [...]]]> From the Urban Dictionary:

beer thirty

Time of day (usually late afternoon to early evening) at which drinking a beer becomes necessary.
Hey, looks like its beer thirty, better grab me a cold one

2. a hypothetical time of day uttered in response to the question of “what time is it.” when consumption of said malted beverage becomes an event that is either inevitable or required to proceed with life as we know it in modern society. No other time expression exists with beer in it, ie. there is no beer fifteen, or quarter to beer, there is also not a half past a beer or beer forty five. If it is not exactly beer thirty when someone asks you just say its getting close to beer thirty.
what time is it?
it’s almost beer thirty.

3. Half Past Time for a Beer…you’re WAY overdue for a cold one and should’ve started drinking a while ago but weren’t able to because you had to finish something up first. When you’re finally to the point where you can actually sit down and enjoy a beer that you’ve earned or need, that’s beer thirty.

Well, the work day is over, and it’s definitely beer thirty. Any one care to join?

Anyhow, this week’s phrase comes to us from The Urban Dictionary:

waffle [...]]]> I’m crawling out of seclusion a bit, at least enough to start a new feature: Phrase of the Week. If I were more of a go-getter, it would be phrase of the day, but I try to keep everyone’s expectations low so I seem taller.

Anyhow, this week’s phrase comes to us from The Urban Dictionary:

waffle crapper

A chick so hot that you wouldn’t care if she walked up and crapped on your waffle. In fact, you’d probably welcome it. Coined by Adam Carolla.
She’s no waffle-crapper but I’d hit it.

The term is also meant to show contempt for waffle crappers who use their waffle-crapper-ness to take advantage of guys.
Our waitress took a sip of my drink before she brought it to the table. If she wasn’t such a waffle crapper, I’d probably be upset.

“What kind of campus promotes an environment that allows people to think it’s acceptable to target people for their ethnicity, gender or sexuality?” said Corey Matthews, one of about 200 mostly minority UCLA students who held a lunchtime rally. “It’s something about the tone [...]]]> I was reading this story and was stunned by the following quote.

“What kind of campus promotes an environment that allows people to think it’s acceptable to target people for their ethnicity, gender or sexuality?” said Corey Matthews, one of about 200 mostly minority UCLA students who held a lunchtime rally. “It’s something about the tone of the environment that allows this.”

Because I had assumed that Boy Meets World, which told the story of a boy named Corey Matthews and his friends Shawn Hunter and Topanga Lawrence and their bittersweet coming of age experience with lovable curmudgeon Mr. Feeny, was fiction. It’s nice to know that not only is Corey Matthews alive and well, he’s doing his part to fight racism on college campuses.

Olympic coverage has always had a high schmaltz to action ratio, but this Winter Olympics from Vancouver is especially craptastic. Please NBC, stop bidding on the Olympics.

Even the critics that eat this shit up agree: Here’s some of what Robert Bianco [...]]]> Ok, I’m hoping that that post title will get someone’s attention over in the NBC Offices.

Olympic coverage has always had a high schmaltz to action ratio, but this Winter Olympics from Vancouver is especially craptastic. Please NBC, stop bidding on the Olympics.

Even the critics that eat this shit up agree:
Here’s some of what Robert Bianco said today over at USA TODAY today; (link to the original here)

We interrupt this commercial announcement for an Olympic broadcast.

Granted, that’s probably an exaggeration. But you can’t blame NBC’s prime-time viewers for thinking they’re spending more time on breaks than they are on skis, skates and snowboards combined.

Yet what can a cash-strapped NBC do? In hindsight, the network clearly bid too much to broadcast these Winter Games, a money-losing mistake for which it, and viewers, are now paying. Still, as long as America puts its Olympic broadcasts in the hands of free enterprise, and as long as the International Olympic Committee insists on getting roughly half its broadcast money from the American bid alone, we’re going to find ourselves in this ad-crazed fix — particularly when a bad economy reduces the amount NBC can charge for what it gets.

Yes, many many ads.

The part that bugs me though is that they pick the athletes we have to watch. Last night in the men’s snowboard halfpipe they only showed Shaun White and Louie Vito’s qualifying runs. One of the snowboarders is a local guy, Scotty Lago, and I talked to a couple of people who, when NBC only showed White and Vito, assumed that Lago had failed to qualify and was done. They went to bed, or watched something else.

Instead, of course, he not only qualified, he won the bronze. Great job of bringing us that story NBC. I only stayed through the whole thing because I’ve watched NBC screw up Olympics before, I guess I’ve built up an immunity.

(And yes, Shaun White is God).

Ok. So, to prove my point about the human interest stories, I went to find an absolutely ridiculous profile NBC did on men’s figureskater Yevgeni Plushenko the other night. They rode around with him in his car while he talked about how good he is, and how he considers other skaters his enemies. It was straight out Blades of Glory. I would embed it here for you to enjoy, but NBC’s Olympic Website required me to download silverlight and watch an advertisement before I even got to watch the video, so I gave up. Even their website fails.

I don’t think they are adjusting to the new world model very well.

And finally, in my review of NBC’s coverage so far, the best part of the whole thing was when they aired Shaun White and his coach talking before White’s final run, and Coach dropped an F-bomb and said White should stomp the shit out of the run, and that they’d go get matching tattoos.

So, yes, the best part of NBC’s Olympic Coverage, so far, was a failure on their part- the part where they broadcast two guys’ private conversation.

In an interview on MSNBC this morning, newly retiring Sen. Evan Bayh declared the American political system “dysfunctional,” riddled with “brain-dead partisanship” and permanent campaigning. Flatly denying any possibility that he’d seek the presidency or any other higher office, [...]]]> I’ve been saying this for so long, it’s about time someone “in charge” said it too.

In an interview on MSNBC this morning, newly retiring Sen. Evan Bayh declared the American political system “dysfunctional,” riddled with “brain-dead partisanship” and permanent campaigning. Flatly denying any possibility that he’d seek the presidency or any other higher office, Bayh argued that the American people needed to deliver a “shock” to Congress by voting incumbents out en masse and replacing them with people interested in reforming the process and governing for the good of the people, rather than deep-pocketed special-interest groups.

See the original over at Failbooking.