I watched the Superbowl yesterday, with the rest of the world, and, like much of the rest of the world not from New Orleans or Indianapolis, would have been happy with either team winning, but really wanted the Saints to win because they’ve sucked for so long and their city tried to drown itself a few years ago.
The game itself was a good one, as the Superbowls for the past decade or so have been. I thought that Drew Brees was worthy of MVP honors, but I also thought that Saints defensive back Roman Harper and linebacker Jonathan Vilma were worthy.
Of course the Superbowl is the one game that everyone watches even though most of the watchers have no vested interest in it, kind of like a giant “Who Gives a Shit” Bowl unless your teams are in it, and somehow NFL Marketing has managed to make otherwise intelligent people believe that we should watch the game AND the commercials, AND have a party, or go to a party, and eat and be festive.
I say why not. In fact, let’s take it a step further and make the Monday after the Superbowl a national holiday. Why not? Christmas was designated a federal holiday by Congress and President Ulysses S. Grant in 1870, and um, don’t tell anyone this, but it’s actually only a holiday to people who follow this guy Jesus Christ, as it’s the celebration of his birthday, which scholars believe was probably actually in March.
Christmas has become a gross celebration of commercialism. Hell, car companies are now telling us we can’t say we love our spouse adequately without putting a ginormous bow on a Lexus. Business has completely taken over the December 25 holiday to the point where it has almost nothing to do with a celebration of the teachings of Christ for the vast number of people who celebrate it. I even have Jewish friends who buy their kids Christmas presents. Hmmmm.
So now that a team who call themselves “THE SAINTS” have won the Superbowl, why not use this as some cross pollination to create a completely secular holiday dedicated to marketing and commercialism. That it celebrates a game often played in stadiums, much like the Roman coliseums, is all that much more perfect in its celebration of excess. We can take the Monday after Superbowl Sunday off, which will allow us all to eat too much, drink too much, and stay up too late watching commercials and advertisements.
As an aside- I noted that during the game, the Snicker’s commercial with Betty White (which was funny) was either followed or preceded by the Tim Tebow commercial in which he tackled his mother. I thought it very strange that they ran two commercials featuring young men tackling old women back to back. THEN, later in the broadcast, there was a commercial by Career Builder that featured men in their underwear, followed by the Dockers commercial called Men without Pants. WTF? I assume that someone is supposed to monitor the content of the ads to make sure that two companies don’t outlay a huge chunk of money only to sit next to a very similar commercial. I bet someone got fired over that.
Anyhow, Congratulations Saints. Enjoy yourself New Orleans, the title comes back to New England next year.
ROCHESTER — The following items, based on entries in the Rochester Police Log, were selected from 1,120 calls for service from Jan. 4 to 10: Taken from Foster’s Daily Democrat, the original is here.
Monday, Jan. 4
7:10 a.m. — A woman reports that last evening she was jumped by two men and two women and robbed of her bag containing $300 and other items. It happened near Blockbuster.
7:25 a.m. — A toter has been taken from its happy home on South Main Street.
10:29 a.m. — Criminal mischief has occurred at the Rochester Fairground. Someone drove through the main gate and smashed part of a fence departing.
11:25 a.m. — A man and wife fight on Betts Road.
1:04 p.m. — People in a white Crown Victoria are driving along Blackwater Road taking stuff out of trash bins.
2:47 p.m. — A snowmobile has flashed through a yard on Mandella Drive.
2:51 p.m. — A River Street resident reports a theft of items from her basement.
3:44 p.m. — A Coxeter Square resident’s driveway has been blocked by a neighbor’s snow.
4:43 p.m. — Tenants of an East Rochester Main Street residence have just been locked out by the brother of the former owner. The house is now owned by a bank. Yelling has erupted.
5:19 p.m. — A Glenwood Avenue woman reports finding meds, and asserts, more than once, that she did not steal them.
8:04 p.m. — South Main Street neighbors are making a din.
Tuesday, Jan. 5
10:47 a.m. — A man reports losing a set of four keys with two flash drives near the Square.
11:59 a.m. — A Tonka Street residence has been burgled and meds stolen.
12:10 p.m. — A man reports his girlfriend was pushed around by someone near Market Basket.
1:08 p.m. — Police are asked to go to the court where a man has a double-edged knife.
2:04 p.m. — On Eastern Avenue, a man in a blue sweat shirt is waving at traffic to slow down and then pounding the vehicles with snowballs.
2:53 p.m. — A woman is banging on doors and windows of the Route 125 Motel, hunting a man who has her vehicle title.
3:39 p.m. — While a woman from Cocheco Avenue was doing errands, a second woman barges into her house and accuses a boy of beating up her (woman No. 2’s) son.
4:29 p.m. — A Felker Street man got a watch as a gift, but now it’s gone missing, and boy, is he miffed.
11:27 p.m. — A friend of a friend has stolen a DVD player from a Springfield Court bedroom.
Wednesday, Jan. 6
12:37 a.m. — Yelling, punctuated by door-banging, irritates on Lafayette Street.
12:52 a.m. — The Ministry of Suspicious Walks checks out a River Street performer.
1:35 a.m. — A music-blaster gets a warning on Washington Street.
1:53 a.m. — Teens yell near Partridge Green Apartments. A girl is on the ground with a medical complaint. Police arrive, no one cooperates.
9:28 a.m. — A man is checking out vehicles in an Industrial Way parking lot. It’s OK. He is an insurance adjuster.
11:04 a.m. — There is concern for two dogs left in a room at the Riviera Motel. Their owner is in Frisbie.
12:09 p.m. — A Spaulding student has had a PlayStation Portable case stolen from his backpack.
2:39 p.m. — A pink wallet has been stolen from a woman at Walmart.
2:59 p.m. — On Emerson Avenue, a man reports threats about being dragged from his home in the wee hours. He will shoot any attackers with a hunting rifle if he thinks his life is in danger.
9:23 p.m. — Six rounds of ammo found near the Cumberland Farms pumps on Milton Road turn out to be empty nail gun casings which likely fell out of a contractor’s truck.
Thursday, Jan. 7
6:14 a.m. — A driver thinks he may have clunked a dog near the Common. It took off.
4:55 p.m. — In an apparent instance of road rage, a van driven by a woman in a red coat doggedly chases a car driven by a man. She starts near Walgreen’s, turns onto Wakefield, Union and then southbound on North Main back towards the Square.
5:46 p.m. — The 911 dispatcher receives, by cell phone, a whispered tip off that someone fell on Mount Everest. The call is traced to a child and police make a house visit.
5:56 p.m. — At MetroCast, a man, unable to channel his anger, makes loud threats. He is served with a No Trespass order.
7:14 p.m. — A man asserts that he has been beaten up by an ex-girlfriend.
Friday, Jan. 8
12:26 a.m. — A deer standing in Rochester Hill Road is at risk of becoming venison.
8:51 p.m. — A woman on Daffodil Hill Lane calls police after a disturbance. She will lock up her two Chihuahuas so that officers will not be mauled.
Saturday, Jan. 9
12:24 a.m. — There is a drunk boyfriend problem at McDuffee Brook Place.
1:36 p.m. — Chest pushing over a Direct TV installation job at a North Main Street apartment, peters out.
3:47 p.m. — A dud $20 bill has been passed at George & Ed’s.
8:13 p.m. — On South Main Street, jumping children vibrate a neighbor’s TV off its stand.
8:44 p.m. — Someone inquires about the legal implications of a neighbor setting up a video camera pointing at his building.
Sunday, Jan. 10
1:15 a.m. — A Portland Street woman reports her granddaughter is going around the house yelling and breaking windows. Police find the granddaughter had broken a mere one window when she locked herself out after stepping outside for a cigarette. No word on the yelling.
6:13 p.m. — An Echo Brook Road gentleman says “his drunk wife just punched him in the head.” Police check the downtown bars for the lady.
6:37 p.m. — After police investigate threats of butt-kicking, a female North Main St. resident, is arrested on a bench warrant.
Those of you who have been reading these know they are pure gold. Those of you new to this blog who might wonder wtf or think tl/dr, here’s why we read this:
12:32 a.m. — There is a report of five men on North Main Street yelling “Niger.” This is more likely to be a racist incident obscured by a spelling error than people practicing for a geography bee.
Taken from Foster’s Daily Democrat: the original is here.
ROCHESTER — The following items, based on entries in the Rochester Police Log, were selected from 875 calls for service from Dec. 29, 2009 to Jan. 3:
Tuesday, Dec. 29
5:04 a.m. — A horse clumps down the middle of Salmon Falls Road. Could it be the Bickfords’? Yes! (Hi, Richard.)
9:15 a.m. — Someone thinks horses on Evans Road should be checked on because an icy wind is blowing.
10:46 a.m. — A teenager punches a kitchen door on Lafayette Street and bravely heads off without a jacket.
1:16 p.m. — A tricolored beagle missing from Heaton Street has been spotted on Signal Street.
2:23 p.m. — Someone reports a trash toter theft at the station.
2:56 p.m. — A woman, five months pregnant, has been kicked in the stomach by her boyfriend, who has also allegedly tried to choke her. She is now at Frisbie.
5:19 p.m. — In a Portland Street apartment, three ladies yell at each other and bang stuff.
6:45 p.m. — The horses at the Meader Farm are still outside says a caller. It turns out that they choose to be. Equus toughus. The owner says they have a heated shelter they can wander in and out of as they please.
7:20 p.m. — An East Rochester woman experiences the need to be violent and is taken for an involuntary emergency admission exam.
9:19 p.m. — A Stillwater Circle woman reports harassment via constant texting by a former boyfriend.
10:08 p.m. — A dog bites someone on Heaton Street.
10:25 p.m. — Two people are head-butting each other at the American Legion.
10:30 p.m. — A black and brown bloodhound has taken off from Pink Street.
Wednesday, Dec. 30
1:47 a.m. — A vehicle has plunged into a snowbank on Rochester Hill Road. Here we go. A man and a woman are now yelling at each other.
7:55 a.m. — A man is assaulted on Congress Street by his brother-in-law.
8:32 a.m. — On Pickering Road, like everywhere, the weather’s awful snappy. A dog tied to his dog house is thought to be unhappy. (The ACO heads down the line and says the pooch is doing fine.)
8:52 a.m. — Not so fine are two cartons of cigarettes stolen from the Irving Circle K.
10:51 a.m. — At Norway Plains screaming and banging is traced to half a dozen people enjoying horseplay in a heated shelter.
2:53 p.m. — A German shepherd with an arthritic left hip has gone astray from Pine Grove Lane.
2:58 p.m. — Gang graffiti has arrived on an Academy Street fence.
4:30 p.m. — A black Saturn is burning rubber on Lafayette Street.
4:36 p.m. — On Gonic Main Street, a man with dark-rimmed glasses and an ear-flapping hat is mumbling suspiciously that he raped someone.
5:52 p.m. — A North Main Street landlord has allegedly barged into someone’s apartment.
Thursday, Dec. 31
12:07 a.m. — A noisemaker is warned on Church Street.
12:11 a.m. — Two teens in dark clothing pedal riskily along the middle of Milton Road.
12:48 a.m. — A cry of “Call the police” shatters the night on Winter Street. People are milling outside a house threatening a father and son.
9:01 a.m. — Neighbor one plows in neighbor two on the dirt part of Sampson Road. Now neighbor two will not be able to get her wood delivery in. If things get dire, remember the heated shelter.
10:48 a.m. — On Pine Street, a man is warned not to get out of his truck.
2:33 p.m. — A car takes out a mailbox on Rochester Avenue and heads for downtown.
4:34 p.m. — A German shepherd called Zizzy is hard of hearing and missing from Highland Street. If found, please call, the owner asks.
8:59 p.m. — Dogs are loose yet again on Maple Street and have reportedly just butchered a neighbor’s cat. Police records show six dogs registered at this residence, five of them being pit bulls.
10:41 p.m. — A disturbance erupts and spills into Rochester Hill Road. The caller says a woman seems to be deliberately trying to get hit by a car.
11:22 p.m. — At the China Palace, a lady grabs a hold of a gentleman and assaults him.
11:41 p.m. — Someone is reportedly acting weird on Lafayette Street. Dispatch hears a scream. Police arrive within minutes but all is OK
11:52 p.m. — Two ladies slug it out at the American Legion. One leaves, the other remains tight-lipped.
11:58 p.m. — Fireworks are going off on the deck at Wyandotte Falls. Two minutes early.
Friday, Jan. 1
12:00 a.m. — Happy New Year!
12:32 a.m. — There is a report of five men on North Main Street yelling “Niger.” This is more likely to be a racist incident obscured by a spelling error than people practicing for a geography bee.
12:40 a.m. — Five people, seeing officers leave the area, are now said to be throwing rocks and ice at a North Main apartment. Police return and find no traces of this.
1:42 a.m. — New Year revelers are warned at Norway Plains.
4:37 a.m. — An ex-husband bangs a Lafayette Street door and alarms the mother and children within.
6:32 a.m. — A Crow Hill Road gentleman has been slapped and his bedroom trashed. He has now retreated to a bathroom to escape the wrath of a lady. Eight other people are in the house, and dispatch can hear men and women yelling and the sound of items being smashed.
12:44 p.m — A husband is baaack on Lafayette Street. Police head out to serve papers.
3:52 p.m. — Yelling occurs at the Riviera Motel.
4:59 p.m. — Man ties dog to Church Street porch. Dog chews up Church Street porch. Landlord would like to chew out man.
8:06 p.m. — A loud music blaster is warned at Suncrest Realty Apartments.
10:35 p.m. — A Glenwood Avenue woman says an ex-boyfriend has called to say he is coming with friends to beat her up. Three minutes later a second caller reports a large fight. Someone is being beaten with a crutch. A woman screams, Don’t, don’t, don’t,” while someone else is yelling, “Punch her in the face.”
11:59 p.m. — The first day of the New Year in Rochester draws to a close.
Saturday, Jan. 2
12:14 a.m. — Furniture is banged around and children scream and yell inside a Lafayette Street apartment. A woman tells police she “lost something small” and was upset.
12:13 p.m. — Money and meds were stolen from a vehicle parked on Washington Street last night.
1:14 p.m. — Fraudulent credit card use is reported at the station.
2:51 p.m. — A black Chihuahua called Peanut has gone AWOL from Crown Point Road.
4:14 p.m. — A woman who shoplifted goods to the tune of $4 in George & Ed’s has been caught on video. She comes back later and makes a scene.
4:35 p.m. — A Unitil technician is sorely abused when he tries to service a Dublin Way gas meter that has had its lock cut off. Rather than wait for police to get clear from other calls, a second technician joins the first. This does the trick.
9:33 p.m. — A Lambert Court woman has just had a death threat from a relative.
Sunday, Jan. 3
1:48 p.m. — One lady throws another lady to the ground on Eastern Avenue. An ambulance is required.
3:47 p.m. — Copper piping is stolen during a burglary on Maple Street.
7:10 p.m. — A woman watches her own vehicle become the target of a hit-and-run driver on Lafayette Street.
8:14 p.m.— Day Lily kids come out to play, a house is egged two times today.
10:50 p.m. — One man tries to stab another during a fight on Heaton Street.
11:09 p.m. — The sounds of banging and yelling seep through a Harrison Street wall.
I think I caught the website Failbooking in its first or second week. It had a few moderately funny exchanges. I went back today to see what was what and laughed my ass off. Check their website out here.
Taken from Foster’s Daily Democrat, Wednesday, January 20, 2010. Original is here.
ROCHESTER — The following items, based on entries in the Rochester Police Log, were selected from 1,337 calls for service from Dec. 21 to 28:
Monday, Dec. 21
1:08 p.m. — At the high school, a student suffers the theft of an iPod.
3:47 p.m. — Someone is spotted in a vacant house in East Rochester, but the gent is just winterizing it.
3:50 p.m. — Rent One Plus at the Lilac Mall reports a TV renter is not paying rent. Police decide it is a civil matter.
3:59 p.m. — A woman is at the station hoping to get a parking ticket scrubbed — she forgot to put her handicap sign up at Walmart.
11:16 p.m. — On Joshua Street a drinking man is blasting music while he can. Police quickly to the locus head, tell sober folks “Get him to bed.”
Tuesday, Dec. 22
5:31 a.m. — A Glen Street man reports his girlfriend has assaulted him and smashed some stuff. They promise to “go to bed and cause no more problems.”
2:18 p.m. — A puppy in a car at Walmart barks and shivers.
4:15 p.m. — A toter is taken from Eastern Avenue. The neighbors are eyed, but extra have they none.
4:52 p.m. — A Milton Road woman has a cat that has turned nasty, and then realizes she needs a vet rather than a police officer.
7:35 p.m. — A woman on Margaret Street cannot ignore a three-legged pit bull that barks at her door.
8:41 p.m. — Dog bites youngster on the fingers, now the tot at Frisbie lingers.
Wednesday, Dec. 23
12:04 a.m. — A woman is spotted smoking dope on Pine Street in front of an infant.
3:40 a.m. — A Wellsweep Acres resident reports being punched by a lady who then grabbed a few of her belongings and ran down the street.
11:31 a.m. — On Dora Drive a dirty dog is doing dumps on someone else’s property.
4:10 p.m. — A family friend stayed with a woman on Crockett Street for a few days. He’s gone now, and so are her narcotic meds.
4:23 p.m. — Snowmobile tracks are all through a posted property on Mandella Drive.
Thursday, Dec. 24
12:32 a.m. — A noisemaker is warned on Norway Plains Road.
2:09 a.m. — A person leaving work at Burger King is advised not to use the road but the sidewalk. Let’s hope it’s plowed.
2:23 a.m. — A person sleeping in a car in Union Street parking lot is deemed O.K.
10:14 a.m. — A child calls 911 to report someone took his mother’s glove. The operator hears yelling in the background and the words, “Did you call 911, you bastard?” The child, alone, is counseled.
10:21 a.m. — Music is cranked in a Pine Street apartment.
11:14 a.m. — Glass bottles have been placed on Route 125 near the Exit 12 construction site. The caller drove over one.
12:20 p.m. — A plump pooch pads around Pine.
2:42 p.m. — The annoying dog on Forest Park Drive is loose again.
7:19 p.m. — Boxers are barking on Hansonville Road.
10:59 p.m. — “An intoxicated snowmobiler is stuck in a snow bank” near the power lines off Little Falls Bridge Road. Ere police arrive, he gets help to free his machine and streaks off into the woods.
Friday, Dec. 25
12 a.m. — Merry Christmas!
12:50 a.m. — After an allegation of male face punching by a girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend, a resident of Punch Brooks Way is charged with two counts of simple assault and with stalking.
8:46 a.m. — Walgreens reports the plate number of the getaway vehicle of a shoplifter.
8:51 p.m. — Gunplay is heard on Four Rod Road.
9:38 p.m. — On Old Dover Road, a small dog that has been outside barking all day is told to “shut the hell up” by its owner. Yessuh!
10:59 p.m. — A door is kicked on Nutter Street and a mother is yelled and screamed at.
Saturday, Dec. 26
1:26 a.m. — A party on Heaton Street features yelling and screaming.
11:06 a.m. — A man on whom there is a restraining order gives his ex-wife the finger while in a passing truck.
12:26 p.m. — At the station, someone reports two bouncing checks totaling $3,500.
7:25 p.m. — A woman calls to say she gave a gentleman her Kmart gift card to buy some food but he doesn’t want to go out. A male voice is heard in the background saying she threw boiling water on him.
7:37 p.m. — A stepdad “is going nuts.”
8:01 p.m. — A woman parked on Lafayette Street becomes a hit-and-run victim.
10:08 p.m. — On the biggest little street in Rochester, Moores Court, a brick has been fired through a van window.
Sunday, Dec. 27
2:16 a.m. — On Charles Street, newspaper delivery people are apparently waiting suspiciously on their papers.
1:50 p.m. — On Lafayette Street a neighbor who struck someone’s car a few days ago did “a poor job” fixing it. Police say it is now a civil matter on account of her failing to report the accident and taking the repairs into her own hands.
5:15 p.m. — From Home Depot a wretch has just made off with two wrenches.
6:09 p.m. — A Congress Street lady reports a neighbor yelling that her house is being monitored by cameras.
6:28 p.m. — At the Shell on Farmington Road, a short, fat lady smashes a gentleman’s taillight with a hammer, while her male companion threatens him with a wrench — the third wrench in one police log.
7:33 p.m. — On Harrison Avenue a man and woman yell and scream at each other.
7:37 p.m. — On Dora Drive a woman’s neighbor threatens her with dogs and grabs her arm. She declines an ambulance.
Monday, Dec. 28
2:07 a.m. — On King Street, a man reports the windows of his female friend’s vehicle have been smashed.
1:21 p.m. — Graffiti has been daubed on the Dunkin’ Donuts outside freezer on South Main.
2:24 p.m. — Someone is warned about throwing a cup of coffee on North Main Street.
4:03 p.m. — A beagle called Crackers is missing from its Heaton Street home.
5:30 p.m. — A Chamberlain Street man becomes a credit card theft victim.
5:45 p.m. — Iceballs are being hurled at passing motorists on Estes Road.
8:50 p.m. — A home is burgled on Salmon Falls Road.
